A change in the wind

When you know something is going to end, you appreciate it more.

Recently, I've been feeling more of a pull to stay in Taiwan longer than a year. On the other hand, I've been feeling a stronger pull than ever to return to the States, much stronger than I ever felt when I was living in Japan (in some respects, anyway). Let me explain.

Before I left for Japan, I knew that I'd be staying there at least two years (and that's how long I did stay there). But a few months after I recontracted for my second year (around late spring in first year), I entered into, well, darkness. I hated Japan, hated my life there, and enjoyed nothing. And worst of all, the end seemed nowhere in sight.

It took 5-6 months to leave that darkness, but about halfway through my second year, things got better. I started to socialize more and started to enjoy my life more. And I think a large part of that... In fact I know it was mainly because the end of my time in Japan was coming near. (I even said I'd never return.)

As I've mentioned in posts before, I want to make sure I remember what I learned in Japan while here in Taiwan. Though, some lessons learned are more difficult to apply here, mainly because of the difference in...Well, just the differences, period (I'll explain what I mean in a second). But after Japan, I decided that I'd take things one year at a time, as far as overseas jobs go. Not gonna commit to two-year blocks. One-year blocks ensure that the end is always in sight.

But as for the differences between my life in Japan vs Taiwan, well, it's one difference. In Japan, my life outside of work was convenient and nice, but my work life was miserable. In Taiwan, just the opposite. My life outside of work is miserable but my job is wonderful.

Well, I'm getting a bit off-track here. Anyway, why the change in the wind? Let's forget what I said two posts ago. That was just venting. Remember that one or two posts before that, I said things were resolved and I was looking at the positive aspects of the coming six months. Some things are worth more than money.

I won't repeat all the positive things because I've already posted them, but I will add to the list. Well, I guess there's just one thing to add to the list. It seems that in spite of my lack of confidence as a teacher, I'm doing something right. My students (of all ages) seem to unanimously like my classes. Some of my adult students have expressed to my managers their refusal to have another teacher, even if one is available.

(A lot of workers like to believe that they are the pillar of the company and that if they left, the company would fall apart. I know better than to think that way, as I have worked for companies long after fired employees said that, and the company kept on going. Still, it's nice to have positive feedback and know that you are making a contribution. Something I rarely felt in Japan.)

So with this kind of job satisfaction, what's the rush to get back to the States? Supposing my life outside of work got better? Would I still only be enjoying Taiwan simply because I know that I'll only be here one year? Well, in part, yes. As I've mentioned before, my schedule is quite exhausting, and I don't have weekends. The thought of slugging through this for another year is discouraging, and could cause me to fall into that misery I felt in Japan.

However, the other thing that runs through my mind is what happened when I returned to the States from Japan. That is, I felt I had plenty of time (the rest of my life, really) to be in America. The rest of my life. There was that feeling of permanence. That the end was nowhere to be seen. And wasn't that the problem in Japan? So what do I do? This will likely happen again.

As I mentioned, though, I am being pulled towards America. I am being asked by my friends (more now than when I was in Japan) when I'll be coming back. Also, my professor at Western (WWU) has contacted me about finishing my research project. The timing of one year in Taiwan seems much better. It seems perfect. I knew before I came here that this would be my last overseas venture. And it seems now that I will be able to place myself back in Seattle and pick up where I left off. Something I wasn't able (or didn't want) to do when I got back from Japan. In that sense, what good can a second year in Taiwan do?

When you know something is going to end, you appreciate it more.